My very dear one,
Thank you very much for your inspiration to open the mind, to give freedom to yourself, the opportunity to achieve enlightenment and to free the numberless sentient beings from the oceans of samsaric sufferings and bring them to enlightenment, the total cessation of all the obscurations and completion of all the realizations.
I checked and it comes out very good for you to read Liberation in the Palm of your Hand by Pabongkha Dechen Nyingpo. There are many lamrim books: Lama Tsongkhapa’s Lamrim Chenmo, the great lamrim extensive commentary, then there is the Middle-Length Lamrim, and Lama Tsongkhapa’s shorter lamrim, the Three Principal Aspects of the Path. These texts are according to Lama Tsongkhapa’s experience
Liberation in the Palm of your Hand comes out best for you, so study it from beginning to end, using it like your bible. Really read it and live your life according to this text. Liberation in the Palm of your Hand is the main text for you to read, but there are other lamrim texts.
If possible, study Liberation in the Palm of your Hand from beginning to the end at least three times. Then meditate using as a guidebook the outline from Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand or The Essential Nectar.
There are two texts of The Essential Nectar. One has a short commentary by my teacher Geshe Rabten, and both are very good guidebooks you can use to assist with your meditation once you know the commentary and subjects from Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand.
Please read my advice on how to meditate on the lamrim and how long to spend on each section. You can do the effortful meditations, based on a certain number of months, going over the subjects like that a few times until you have stable realizations, then after that do effortless meditation.
When you are reading the lamrim, you are reading the essence of the whole Buddhadharma, and when you are meditating on the lamrim you are meditating on the essence of the whole Buddhadharma, all the 84,000 teachings of the Buddha.
You need a special deity to free the numberless sentient beings from the oceans of samsaric sufferings and bring them to enlightenment as quickly as possible. To bring them to the ultimate happiness—the total cessation of all the obscurations and completion of all the realizations—as quickly as possible, for that we need to achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible, to be a perfect guide. For that, therefore we need to practice tantra, even though through sutra we can achieve enlightenment, according to the Prajaparamita teachings, the Mahayana teachings on sutra.
[Practicing the sutra path,] it takes three countless great eons to complete the merits of virtue and wisdom, which are the cause of dharmakaya and rupakaya. Therefore, it means that sentient beings have to suffer for a long, long time. Therefore, we need to practice tantra in order to quickly free them from the oceans of samsaric sufferings and bring them to enlightenment. And not just that, we need to practice Maha-anuttara Yoga Tantra.
There are the four levels of tantra—Kriya (Action), Charya (Performance), Yoga and Maha-anuttara Yoga Tantra. We need to practice the fourth level so that we can free the sentient beings from the oceans of samsaric sufferings as quickly as possible and bring them to enlightenment as quickly as possible. For that we need to achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible, therefore we need to practice tantra.
For you, the deity which comes out in my observation is Tara Cittamani, and the other deity is Vajrakilaya, so it depends whichever deity you feel stronger a [connection] or closer to. Take the initiation when you can, but it is good to study the lamrim from beginning to end, then you will get the extensive idea of why you should take the initiation and practice tantra. You can take Tara Cittamani initiation from other high lamas, qualified teachers. I have given the initiation a few times, but I haven’t done the Vajrakilaya retreat. To give the initiation, [the lama] needs to have completed the retreat first.
This is my present advice to you, to make your life the best, most useful life. Life is very short; it is so precious and very short, so this is a way to use it in the best way for the sentient beings.
Thank you very much. If you have something to say, you can write to me, and if not, you can try to follow this advice.
With much love and prayers ...