Feeling Suicidal

Feeling Suicidal

Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts
Date of Advice:
June 2021
Date Posted:
January 2025

A student wrote that her teenage stepdaughter was self-harming and suicidal, and the behavior was escalating. Rinpoche explained that it could be caused by spirit harm and advised animal liberation and Black Manjushri practice.

My most dear, most kind, most precious, wish-fulfilling one,
I am very sorry for the long delay in replying to your email.

You need to liberate animals for your stepdaughter: 200 fishing worms, or 200 lives, but worms are very easy to do. I will ask the Sangha at my house to do this for her. Liberating animals, saving them from death, creates the karma to cause long life for other sentient beings. Saving those that were otherwise going to be killed causes the sick person to have a long life and pacifies any life danger. [See FPMT's Liberating Animals.]

Thank you very much for explaining to me the help you need, and the difficulties that you have.

Firstly, about your stepdaughter, these problems happen due to either anger or very strong attachment, which can cause a spirit to find a connection to harm the person. Sometimes the person even hears noises, and it looks like someone came to meet them and is talking to them, but when you check, they never came. So that is related to the spirit, when no one comes.

First there is a problem in the mind, and it’s related to that. Sometimes it makes that person think of nonsense, something which has not much meaning, and they also can’t think of other things. It doesn’t allow them to think of many other important things; instead they just want to kill themselves.

There are many stories that have happened like this, but I’m not going to mention them here. This kind of thing is unknown in the West, even among psychologists. If someone commits suicide, they think the person did it, but there were actually others involved in it.

At those times, if there are good practitioners, they can do pujas and practices asking the deity to give protection. The puja is called ga gön. This is a puja where you give an order to protect the person. Also, the person themselves can do mantras to protect from outer hindrances and inner hindrances. It’s very, very important to check during those times when hearing sounds that aren’t there. Sometimes the sound is even coming from the trees; it’s a kind of lung or wind disease.

Lama Yeshe’s monk disciple in Buxa had lung and for him, the trees were talking to him. It’s always good to check, so you don’t follow that completely. Otherwise, you can completely follow the wrong way, the wrong direction. It’s like you’re walking and [a voice] is saying there’s a road, but it’s actually a precipice and you fall down from the mountain and then you die. So the message you’re hearing is, “There’s a road, go this way.” It’s like that.

You need to check and to not follow immediately by listening to what the mind says, but instead to check and analyze, like I said. For example, you want to see someone very much, and you think that person came and talked to you; you heard a noise but later when you checked, the person never came. So there are things like this. This is an example; it’s not particularly suicide, but it’s similar.

So checking up is very important. Then by checking, at that time you know that it didn’t happen, then you know it’s spirit harm. You realize, you know, and then the mind can relax completely when you realize it’s not true, that it didn’t happen.

I’ll recite some prayers for her, and some monks here can do drugchuma puja for her. That’s a very powerful practice for her.

She should recite the Black Manjushri mantra. This is a great healing mantra from our great teacher, Geshe Lama Konchog, who passed away some time ago. His reincarnation is now studying at Sera Monastery in South India.

You can find the oral transmission, mantra and practice here, and find links to the ebook here. This is a great healing mantra. There was one time when he recited it for someone who had a foot infection and that person recovered from the infection right there and then.

You can recite half a mala in the beginning. If you can manage to get a mala for your daughter to use, that’s very good. Recite half a mala of Black Manjushri, understanding that it’s all the Buddha’s wisdom manifested as Manjushri, in order to give wisdom to sentient beings and bring them to enlightenment.

Then from the Buddha’s heart visualize light rays, like sunbeams, are sent to her, totally purifying her life obstacles, spirit harm, negativities and defilements from beginningless rebirths. They are totally, instantly purified, gone! It’s like turning on the light in the dark room and the darkness is gone.

Think her body is totally filled with white light, so the body becomes white, clear, like a natural light, and receives all of the qualities of Manjushri. Think that.

Then like a sunbeam, the light goes out to numberless hell beings, numberless hungry ghosts, numberless animals, numberless humans, numberless suras and asuras, and to those numberless beings with the same problem, who want to suicide, and it purifies their life problems, disease, spirit harm, negativities and defilements. They are totally purified and receive the same qualities as Manjushri.

Also think bodhicitta is generated within her mind and all sentient beings’ minds. Bodhicitta is the ultimate good heart, which stops us from giving harm to anyone, not just human beings, but even to insects, and only benefits others. It gives all the happiness, including buddhahood, and ultimate wisdom realizing ultimate view, and all of the rest of the qualities of Manjushri: omniscience, understanding directly all the past, present and future at the same time; perfect power to benefit sentient beings depending on their karma; and great compassion, embracing us, and generating within us and within all sentient beings. That’s very good.

At the end dedicate the merits. First, do this dedication:

“Due to the past, present, future merits collected by me, and three-time merits collected by numberless sentient beings and numberless buddhas, may I actualize bodhicitta, the ultimate good heart, which is the source of all the happiness and success up to enlightenment, including buddhahood. May it be generated in my heart and in the hearts of all sentient beings without delay of even a second. And may that generated in the hearts of others increase.”

Then dedicate for the enlightenment of the sentient beings:

“Due to the past, present and future merits collected by me and the three-time merits collected by numberless sentient beings and numberless buddhas, by reciting this mantra, may I achieve buddhahood, Manjushri’s enlightenment, and lead all sentient beings to that enlightenment, by myself alone.”

Before actually reciting the mantra, think:

“The purpose of my life is not just to achieve happiness for myself, even ultimate happiness, liberation from samsara, enlightenment. The purpose of my life is to free the sentient beings, to not harm any sentient being, even the insects, and to cause only their happiness and bring them to peerless happiness and buddhahood. Therefore, I must achieve buddhahood, the cessation of all the gross and subtle obscurations and the completion of all the realizations. So for this I’m going to recite this mantra.”

There’s another mantra for you to recite that is most beneficial for all sentient beings, and that means generating compassion for all sentient beings. And from that, not only freeing yourself from the oceans of samsaric sufferings, but especially freeing sentient beings from the oceans of samsaric suffering and bringing them to enlightenment.

So recite OM MANI PADME HUM, the Compassionate Buddha’s mantra. Try to recite one mala, then two slowly, then three, so that each day you are reciting three malas. Use the same meditation as for Manjushri, it’s excellent.

I am sending a letter and Chenrezig picture for her as well.

With much love and prayers ...

Later Rinpoche sent this further advice:

You can show your husband the letter for your daughter, but first you should read it and your stepdaughter should read it and study it, in case your husband gets angry and tears the letter up, which is possible if he doesn’t have the merit to understand it.

Then after some time, you can pass it to him, because he should also know this. It’s so important to know the meaning of life. Many of the problems in the West occur because of not knowing the meaning of life.

For example, so many army people fought in the Iraq War, experiencing bombs, etc. It’s unbelievable, an unbelievable life—every day, every hour like that. Then those who didn’t die, those who came back to America, for them, every day twenty died, committed suicide, because of not knowing the meaning of life.

They had an unbelievable life, what they went through, so [after they returned home] their minds were not relaxed and they were really confused, not knowing the meaning of life. The American government used mindfulness meditation, because it encourages us not to think of the past, not to think of the future, just to think only of the present, and in this way it helped them relax their minds a little bit.

There was one army man from there who was involved in high technology, and somehow, because of that, he was checking in Nepal where he could go for retreat, and it came out to go to Lawudo. Lawudo is the place where in my past life I did practice for many years and died there. It’s a cave, and actually, the enlightened being, Padmasambhava, came there for a short while. So it’s a holy place and because of that, nectar is coming from the cave, from the ceiling. It doesn’t depend on the weather—wet or not, nectar comes.

During my time, nectar didn’t come from there, from the very center where there are no cracks, nothing. In the past life, nectar came from there and on one or two tables with a vase on top, the nectar was received from there, drop by drop.

So, with that he initiated people and gave long-life initiation to the people. So there’s a mark, like wax, a mark put there, like that. During my life I never saw nectar coming from there, so I didn’t have the merit in my past life.

I invited the army man to the cave and I asked him some questions, and he described his experience to me. He didn’t talk much, but this is what he told me.

Child Depressed and Suicidal
Date of Advice:
July 2020
Date Posted:
February 2023

Rinpoche advised these practices for a student’s son who was depressed and having suicidal thoughts. The parents had asked Rinpoche what they could do to help him.

It is good if your son can wear White Umbrella Deity protection and the Ten Wrathful Deities protection.

Both parents should do Lama Tsongkhapa Guru Yoga and then send light to your son, freeing him from thoughts of suicide created by spirit harm. You can make strong prayers for him to start to practice and purify negative karma.

Then strongly dedicate the merits for your son and for all the sentient beings to be healed from the COVID-19 virus and for those who haven’t had the virus to not get it.

Also, read the Amitayus Long Life Sutra (Tse Do) five times.

[Find links to these practices in the FPMT Catalogue.]

This Precious Human Life is a Miracle
Date of Advice:
June 2021
Date Posted:
May 2022

Rinpoche sent this letter to a thirteen-year-old who was suicidal and self-harming. The child’s mother was a student of Rinpoche.

Lama Zopa Rinpoche doing a puja, Kopan Monastery, Nepal, April 2020. Photo: Lobsang Sherab.

My most dear, most precious, most kind, wish-fulfilling one,
This precious human life is a miracle and we have received it this time. It’s almost impossible to achieve again, but somehow this time it happened. It’s difficult to achieve, but it doesn’t last long.

In the world today, beings can die in their mother’s womb as the consciousness is received or they die after they come out of the mother’s womb, or they are born but they have no karma to grow, and they die when they are children. People also die in middle age and old age, and even today people are dying. So there are all kinds of ways sentient beings can die.

Therefore, we can’t say one hundred percent that we will live for a long time. Therefore, it’s very important that during our life we don’t waste time and our life becomes most beneficial. This is so that we will have a happy life—not ordinary happiness, but Dharma happiness, for the mind to be healthy, positive and virtuous.

Let me explain, as it takes time to understand. Perhaps now you don’t understand completely, but it’s very, very important to understand this. The understanding—knowing about the meaning of life—will come later.

First of all, we should engage in actions of body, speech and mind which are positive, healthy and virtuous. This Dharma stops us from being born in the hells, as a hungry ghost or in the animal realm, and causes us to be born as humans and devas. The best type of rebirth is a perfect human rebirth, qualified with the eight freedoms and ten richnesses.

The devas experience pleasure which is many hundreds, thousands or millions of times greater than humans, but it is samsaric pleasure, which is just suffering. They are born and stay there [in the deva realm] for a long time, but when the karma finishes, then they’re reborn in the lower realms. We’ve done this numberless times.

For humans, what is supposed to be a good human rebirth is being able to meet the Dharma and then [having the opportunity to] practice Dharma. Then through that, we become free from samsara, the ocean of samsaric suffering, and not only that, we also achieve peerless happiness, buddhahood, the total cessation of gross and subtle obscurations, and the completion of realizations for sentient beings.

The second thing is that when our actions of body, speech, and mind become holy Dharma, positive, healthy, virtuous, that which causes us to become free from the oceans of samsaric suffering, free from all the worries, fears, depression, everything, then we can achieve ultimate happiness, liberation from samsara for ourselves.

Thirdly, our actions of body, speech, and mind become holy Dharma—the best Dharma, the most pure, the most healthy—when our actions are done with the ultimate good heart of bodhicitta. With that [good heart] everything becomes the cause of omniscience, the total cessation of obscurations and the completion of realizations, enlightenment. Then we can free other numberless beings from the three lower realms—the hells, the hungry ghost realm and the animal realm—and not only that, we can free them from the oceans of samsaric suffering forever, and not only that, we can bring them to peerless happiness, the cessation of suffering and the completion of realizations.

So we must know the meaning of life, and what is that? To not harm sentient beings and to benefit them in whatever way we can. So the more we learn Dharma, the more our learning and practice becomes deeper and deeper, greater and greater, more and more advanced, in order to benefit others, to bring happiness to others.

Even benefiting the ants looking for food. I’m using the example of giving charity to ants by giving them small pieces of food, sugar or whatever they like. In Washington, I have two monks who do water bowls and take care of the house. They do many water bowl offerings to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.

There’s one monk, Tharchin, who goes to make charity to the ants for several hours every week. There are so many ant nests, like hundreds sometimes, or less. There’s tsampa, which is like wheat flour, and it is mixed with blessed water which is blessed with mantras. There’s also Padmasambhava, a great enlightened being, whose mantra is carved on crystal and that also blesses the water. Then there are His Holiness’s OM MANI PADME HUM pills. [The monks in Washington] recite mantras on the tsampa, so it is able to not only stop hunger, but to purify the mind so that the ants don’t get reborn in the lower realms. So the monks do like that.

Also, each week we buy many worms, which are used as fishing bait, and we liberate them in the right place. Before liberating them we take them around inside where there are many tsa tsas and buddha statues. We take them around the holy objects like that. Outside there’s a Medicine Buddha made of volcanic material from Indonesia. Then we have an Amitabha from Vietnam, carved from marble, which was being painted, a big one. And now we have the bodhisattva Ksitigarbha donated by somebody in America.

We take the worms around the holy objects in two buckets and we recite mantras, so then the worms purify the karma to be born in the lower realms and they create the karma to achieve enlightenment. It is not only freeing them from samsara; however many times they go around the holy objects, that many times it creates the cause of enlightenment. So those worms are incredibly, incredibly fortunate compared to many people in the world who have no opportunity like that, even though they may be millionaires or billionaires.

In Aptos, California, we also make charity [to the animals] each week. Sometimes we also liberate frogs and other different animals, like that. We do this not only in those two places, but also in other places in China. In the past we did it in Hong Kong and now we do it in Singapore, like that.

The idea is that even in a bus or another type of vehicle where people don’t have seats, you can offer your seat to others. You can try to benefit and help others even with small things as much as possible. Or just as an example, you can help a beggar on the road or if someone is carrying a heavy load which is difficult, you can help them carry it.

You can help insects on the road so they don’t get stepped on and killed. If you kill them the consequence is that for five hundred lives you are killed. And even you don’t kill them, you can blow them away or put them on the side [of the road or pathway] so that others don’t step on them. Whatever small benefit you can do, that’s so good.

The result of this is happiness, unbelievable happiness in this life and success from life to life. Your success will be unbelievable, greater and greater. Then all your wishes are fulfilled from life to life, hundreds, thousands, millions, it makes you achieve success like this.

People in the world don’t know this, even though they are very high level scientists. If they haven’t met Dharma, if they don’t know Dharma, if they haven’t studied Dharma, and if they don’t know karma or haven’t studied that, then they don’t know these things. Only those who have met Dharma and studied, also those who know and study karma, only they know these things.

So it’s very, very, very important for you to know what is the meaning of life. Yes, it’s not to suffer, but to enjoy life. The way to do that is to not harm others and to benefit others, that’s the best way.

The Buddha said in the Arya Sanghata Sutra that even if you make charity the size of a hair to a sentient being, the result is that in all your future lives you will have so much happiness and wealth. All your wishes will succeed and you will have a healthy life, on and on.

Like the Hindus who worship Indra and Brahma, you will have that power, then ultimately, you will achieve buddhahood, enlightenment. So this is how to live your life—not to harm, but to benefit others as much as you can. This is how to enjoy the life, how to make the life happy. This is the way.

There are many other wrong ways, hallucinated ways to have a happy life with a hallucinated, negative mind. You’ll understand this gradually the more you read Dharma books, slowly, slowly. You don’t have to worry.

So thank you very, very, very much. I talked quite a bit, I’m very sorry for that. I hope you can understand. This advice is for you, and also, from my side, it is for your stepmother. If you have questions, I can try to answer them.

With much love and prayers ...

Rejoice in this Perfect Human Rebirth
Date of Advice:
July 2018
Date Posted:
November 2021

A student was feeling suicidal and wrote to Rinpoche for practice advice. The student had been very ill and their internal organs had shut down, resulting in ongoing digestive problems, impaired speech and vision, constant seizures and many cognitive issues.

Lama Zopa Rinpoche at Lawudo, Solu Khumbu, Nepal, 1978. Photo: Peter Iseli.

My most dear, most kind, most precious, wish-fulfilling one,
Thank you very much for your kind letter and for expressing yourself. I am sorry for the delay in replying.
 
Yes, we have received this most precious human life just about one time, as it is mentioned in the Buddha’s teachings. The Buddha said that each day, each hour, each minute, each second, however many sentient beings get reborn as hell beings from the intermediate stage, it is like the number of dust [particles] on this earth. The number of sentient beings who get reborn as pretas, hungry ghosts, is like the sand grains in the Pacific Ocean, and the number of sentient beings who get reborn as animals is like the number of [blades of] grass growing on the mountain and on the ground, everywhere. 

Then the number of sentient beings who are reborn as devas or human beings is so rare; it’s like when you scratch the earth with your fingers, how much dust collects beneath your fingernails, it’s that rare. Receiving a deva or human rebirth is like that. When we have a human rebirth we are able to receive more happiness, especially with a perfect human rebirth, which is qualified with eight freedoms and ten richnesses. 

You should try to learn, to find out what the eight freedoms are and what the ten richnesses are. This perfect human rebirth is unbelievably rare. If you throw grain at a glass window, no grain stays there; it is so difficult for the grain to stick to the glass window. It is like that. Or if you have a needle standing up and you throw grain at the needle, no grain will stay on it. It is so difficult to receive, then especially the perfect human rebirth, which we have received now. 

What we can achieve with this human rebirth if we practice Dharma—if we learn Dharma and if we practice Dharma, we are able to purify negative karma, which is the cause of lower realms. Through Dharma practice we are able to achieve the higher rebirths as a deva or as a human being, and we can even go to a pure land. We can be reborn in a pure land by taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, and by relying upon them and protecting our karma, we abandon negative karma and practice good karma.

Generally you need to avoid the ten nonvirtues and practice the ten virtues, then you can take precepts, the five lay vows. So you can take all five vows or four or three or two or one vow, or even just the refuge vow, the upasaka refuge vow, if not all five vows. There are also the eight Mahayana precepts. 

It is through the practice of the three higher trainings—the higher trainings of morality, concentration and wisdom—that we can become free from samsara and achieve nirvana, the total cessation of suffering and its cause. We can be free from samsara and its causes forever. Then by generating compassion through the numberless sentient beings, by generating bodhicitta and practicing the six paramitas we can achieve full enlightenment, buddhahood, the total cessation of obscurations and completion of all realizations. We can achieve this for the numberless sentient beings of the six realms, then we can liberate them from the oceans of samsara’s sufferings and bring them to buddhahood. So we can achieve the three different levels of happiness—the meaning of life—through Dharma practice. 

Therefore you should rejoice that you have this perfect human rebirth and what you can achieve with it. Please understand this and think about this.

It is very, very important for you to do the morning motivation every day, The Method to Transform a Suffering Life into Happiness (Including Enlightenment).

I want you to read the lamrim book Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand. Please study this book and read it four times from beginning to end if you can. Reading this text is like reading the whole essence of Buddhadharma. Each time read it mindfully; that is your meditation. Read it from beginning to end and anything you don’t understand you can write down in a book and ask a student who has studied the lamrim a lot or ask a geshe.

There are two types of meditation, analytical and fixed. After doing analytical meditation, for example on the eight freedoms and ten richnesses, you realize that your life is so precious. Then hold that feeling for a little while—that is fixed meditation.

At this stage just start with this, and practice this for now. Please also read my advice on how to meditate on the lamrim.

There is one Tibetan medicine, a precious pill called Ratnasamphel, which also came out as beneficial for you. Take one pill each week for five weeks if you are able to get Tibetan precious pills. When you take the Tibetan precious pill you can’t expose it to light or to the blue sky. That is why it is wrapped in cloth, so you can crush it in your mouth with your teeth. If you can’t do that, you can soak it in warm water (but do this in the dark, not exposing the pill to light) and in the early morning maybe drink the water and slowly crush the pill after it is softer. 

You need to practice a deity for purification called Dorje Namjom (Skt: Vajravidarana). We don’t have the full practice translated yet, but you may be able to find it on the internet and also a photo of the deity.

Anyway, you visualize the deity above your crown, sending nectar with love, kindness and compassion to you and all sentient beings. Dorje Namjom sends nectar to you and purifies all the disease, spirit harm, negative karma and defilements collected from beginningless rebirths. Think these are totally purified, then with that visualization, recite the mantra of Dorje Namjom:

NAMAH TSENDRA BENZA KRODAYA  HULU HULU DITA DITA BENDA BENDA HANA HANA AMITAY HUM PHAT SVAHA

It is very important at the end to dedicate with the correct dedication prayers:

“Due to all the past, present, and future merits collected by me and all the merits of the three times collected by numberless buddhas and numberless sentient beings, may bodhicitta, the source of all happiness and success for all sentient beings, be generated in the hearts of all the sentient beings of the six realms, and especially in the hearts of everybody in this world, including all the students, center benefactors and volunteers in the FPMT organization. May bodhicitta be generated in the hearts of all those who rely upon me, all those for whom I have promised to pray, and all those whose names have been given to me. May it be generated in my heart and in the hearts of all my family members, those who are living and those who have died. May the bodhicitta that has already been generated increase.

“Due to the three-time merits collected by me, the numberless buddhas and the numberless sentient beings, may I, my family members, all those who rely upon me, all those for whom I have promised to pray, all those whose names have been given to me, all the students, benefactors, and volunteers in the FPMT organization, and all sentient beings, be able to meet perfectly qualified Mahayana virtuous friends in all our future lives. From our side, may we always see them as enlightened, may we always do only actions most pleasing to their holy minds, and may we always fulfill their holy wishes instantly.”

Recite the Extensive Dedication Prayers and seal the merits with emptiness. [See the FPMT Catalogue for dedications recommended by Lama Zopa Rinpoche].

Please make your life most meaningful with the thought of bodhicitta day and night and in every action that you do.

With much love and prayers ...

Depression After Best Friend Passed Away
Date of Advice:
September 2013
Date Posted:
November 2020

A student had become very depressed after her best friend passed away. The depression was severe and the student was thinking about ending her own life. Rinpoche did a mo, a Tibetan system of divination, and advised that the following practices would be beneficial.

1.  Recitation of the Prajnaparamita, to be done twice by Sera Je Monastery.

2. Sangye sem bhum, to be done by the Kopan nuns.

 

Depression and Suicidal Thoughts
Date of Advice:
July 2018
Date Posted:
May 2020

A student wrote to Rinpoche about her twenty-year-old daughter, who was experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts. The depression had started a long time ago but it had become more serious and the student said her daughter felt trapped, worthless and hated herself. The student requested Rinpoche’s help and protection.

My most dear, most kind, most precious wish-fulfilling one,

Thank you very much for your kind letter.

I checked and I need to do one puja called Drugchuma for your daughter. So I will do this for her.

Probably she doesn’t want to do this, but what came out best is if she can do a nyung nä. You can say that I was advising her or begging her to do it, saying, “Please,” with my ten fingers together, begging her to do it, not only for herself but for all sentient beings who are suffering and obscured, to be free from that.

You should pray very strongly to Chenrezig and recite OM MANI PADME HUM. Pray very strongly to Chenrezig for your daughter to be totally recovered immediately and to have a most meaningful life, to generate bodhicitta and to be able to free the sentient beings from suffering  and its causes and bring them to enlightenment as quickly as possible.

You should also recite Vajra Armor mantra. After each mala blow over a bottle of water or a jar of water, then your daughter should drink that water. Whenever she drinks water, she can just drink the blessed water you make. This mantra seems very helpful for her. It is very powerful, and so many healers became famous and are able to heal people using this mantra.

If your daughter can recite the Golden Light Sutra eleven times, this is best. You can also recite it, but actually it needs to be her that recites it. See if she will try it. She can take as long as she wants to do this.

What makes your life most meaningful is meditation on the lamrim, and to live your life with bodhicitta motivation. This is the best.

With much love and prayers ...

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