Anger

Anger

Practice Patience with Your Sister
Date of Advice:
September 2014
Date Posted:
May 2022

Rinpoche gave this advice to a student who was having difficulties with her sister.

Dear one,
Your sister is the most precious one in your life. That’s because if nobody has anger toward you, then you can’t practice the paramita of patience. It means you can’t practice patience, and if you miss that practice then you can’t achieve enlightenment. You have to practice the six paramitas and this means also the paramita of patience.

Your sister is giving you the opportunity to practice that, by arising anger toward you, so she is most kind among the sentient beings. She is helping you, giving you enlightenment, and as well as helping you practice patience now, in future lives you will have a good rebirth, a beautiful body and so forth.

When anger arises it destroys all our merits, which are the cause of happiness and success. Not only that, depending on whether she is a holy being or not, you will create the karma to be born in the lower realm for many eons. If she is a holy being, then it postpones your realizations for many eons. So there are three big shortcomings if you get angry toward her.

Therefore, think that she is like the guru, who by giving teachings makes the disciple achieve enlightenment. Similarly, by letting you practice patience, she is giving you enlightenment. She is so important, so precious.

And for her it’s not good at all, it’s worse. It’s what I told you—she creates negative karma by being angry toward you.

You can try reciting this mantra for her anger to go away. Recite the mantra just two or three times a day, just a few times. This is from the Buddha in the Kangyur.

The Exalted Zung Called “Thoroughly Pacifying Hatred”

If you pray to Arya Manjushri everyone will be loving and affectionate to you.

KÖN CHHOG SUM LA CHHAG TSHÄL LO
    To the Three Rare Sublime Ones, I prostrate.    

TADYATHA / DIRITISTHA / TASKARA VADDHOSI / MACALA MACALA SVAHA

Here, the Exalted Zung Called “Thoroughly Pacifying Hatred” is com­pleted.

[See The Exalted Zung Called "Thoroughly Pacifying Hatred" for the latest version of this practice. You can also find links to a PDF of this practice in the FPMT Catalogue.]

How One Second of Anger Destroys Eons of Merit
Date of Advice:
January 2021
Date Posted:
January 2021

Rinpoche warns that getting angry with a bodhisattva, a buddha or the guru for even one second destroys all our merit, results in an unfortunate rebirth and delays our realizations for thousands of eons. [Rinpoche gave this advice along with instructions on Amitayus meditations.]

If we get angry for one second with a bodhisattva—somebody who has bodhicitta—that anger destroys one thousand eons of good karma that was created. The good karma is destroyed, the merit is destroyed. The anger arising for one second causes us to be reborn in the lower realms and to suffer there for one thousand eons, and our realizations are delayed for 1000 eons. These are the three shortcomings of generating anger or heresy toward His Holiness the Dalai Lama. The Buddha, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, is Chenrezig.

Khadro-la said she really sees [His Holiness as] Buddha. A long time, maybe many years ago in south India, after His Holiness had left, there was some of His Holiness’s holy kaka in the toilet, a small piece was left, when she went to see His Holiness’s room. The bodyguards didn’t know what to do, so she asked if she could have it. Then she took it in her hand and swallowed it. She took it as a most precious thing, then all the bodyguards were very surprised. She thinks her way of seeing His Holiness was different from the bodyguards, they didn’t see him as Buddha, but she sees Buddha. She didn’t say their way of seeing His Holiness is different from hers. She sees Buddha. So she immediately swallowed; she said that was the best thing in life to do. All the bodyguards were very surprised. She had no doubt, she did not feel dirty, she just had pure appearance. She recently said His Holiness is real Buddha, so for her pure mind she sees Buddha.

If we get angry with bodhisattvas who have bodhicitta—we don’t have bodhicitta, but those whom we get angry with have bodhicitta—then even one second of anger destroys one thousand eons of merits. I explained the other two things—that we have to suffer for one thousand eons and our realizations are delayed for one thousand eons.

If we get angry with a buddha, not just one thousand eons of merit are destroyed, but ten thousand eons or more than a million eons are destroyed, I’m not sure.

If we get angry with the guru, who is the highest, then 100,000 eons or millions of eons of merits are destroyed. It’s unbelievable, unbelievable. That many eons of merits get destroyed and we suffer in the lower realms. It’s unbelievable, unbelievable, then our realizations are delayed for an unbelievably, unbelievably long time. In every second [of anger toward the guru] we create heavy negative karma to suffer in the lower realms, in the heaviest suffering realm, and we remain in that unbelievable suffering state for many eons. If we create that negative karma of getting angry with the guru for even one second, then we have to suffer for so many eons in the heaviest suffering realm. This is what we are creating.

Practices for Domestic Violence and Abuse
Date of Advice:
June 2017
Date Posted:
August 2020

A student wrote that her husband was angry, abusive and sometimes violent. Rinpoche gave this advice. [Please note: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence and abuse, please seek help from a suitable support service in your region.]

My most dear, most kind, most precious, wish-fulfilling one,

I checked and your husband should recite 400,000 Vajrasattva long mantras. This is according to my observation.

Also, he should recite the Vajra Cutter Sutra fifty times. He should do however many he can and the rest can be done by the Lama Gyupas at Kopan. If fifty monks do the recitation then it’s finished, so it depends on how many monks recite it. He should recite whatever he can.

I will recite su chen mantra four times.

It would be very good for your husband to make a confession to his guru of any bad thought arising to him, anything like that, for him to make confession. This is the most important thing. It is possible the original mistakes maybe started from there. Any mistakes in relation to the guru—even small mistakes—are very heavy. The effect is not only in this life, not only one experience in the hell realm for many eons, but even if we are born as a human being due to other virtuous actions, then so many hundreds, thousands, millions of lifetimes are affected. It causes harm to all those lives—so many problems of body and mind for many thousands and millions of lifetimes, on and on.

Therefore it’s very important while we have this human rebirth—it is only one time we have this life which has all the opportunities—so now we need to confess, to change, to fix the karma. So we need to  confess any bad thoughts arising to the guru. It is so important, then that becomes like the sun shining. The darkness stops, the darkness of life stops and light starts when we confess to the guru.

For you, it comes out to pray very strongly to Six-arm Black Mahakala every day, and to recite at least one time the Praise to Black Mahakala. Pray to Mahakala to change your husband’s mind, to generate realizations from guru devotion up to enlightenment, renunciation, bodhicitta and right view and the two stages of tantra. Pray very strongly to pacify all the harms, all the negative thoughts, all the spirit harms, all the things. Pray every day to Six-arm Mahakala, reciting the mantra and making very strong prayers every day. In my observation, this came out very beneficial.

This is my advice at this time.

With much love and prayers ...

Patience is the Most Important Practice
Date of Advice:
June 2018
Date Posted:
December 2019

Rinpoche wrote this letter to a student who was in severe pain and required constant care. Rinpoche had heard that the person sometimes became angry or frustrated with the caregivers.

My very dear one,
I have one more advice for you. I heard that when some people help or serve you, maybe it is not according to what you like sometimes and you get angry.

Practicing patience is so, so important. It’s the most important practice. It keeps us from the three lower realms, where the suffering is unimaginable.

Practicing compassion one time is so important! Reciting many manis, like the 100 million mani retreat, most of the time the mind is distracted and then the motivation may be missing or we forget the dedication. So many obstacles.

If we practice one-time patience, preventing anger, not allowing anger, we are protected from the enemy of virtue. If we get angry with someone who has bodhicitta then we destroy the merits of having attained charity for thousands of eons. All the merit created with the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha is destroyed for thousands of eons.

We can’t tell from the outside [appearance] who is a bodhisattva and who isn’t. The only one that we can really see is our own mind; only that we can know one hundred percent.

So, patience is the most important practice up to enlightenment, to protect us.

This my advice to you.

With love and prayers ...

The Perfection of Patience
Date of Advice:
September 2016
Date Posted:
May 2018

A student was feeling very negative about a member of the Sangha. Rinpoche responded with this advice, which he typed himself.

That person is extremely kind to bring you to enlightenment. For that you have to generate the paramita of patience, so he is giving you the opportunity to practice patience.

So he is extremely kind. Even if somebody gives you a billion dollars, it is nothing.

Patience Brings Success and Happiness
Date of Advice:
October 2016
Date Posted:
December 2016

A student asked Rinpoche for advice on what to do about one person was always angry and unkind. Rinpoche typed this reply himself. Lightly edited by Ven. Holly Ansett and Sandra Smith.

When you are being sincerely kind to that person, usually they learn from you. Then they become kind to you, but sometimes it takes time.

When you practice patience, it is unbelievable. Patience brings success and happiness in this life and in future lives, for hundreds of thousands of lifetimes. Through the development of patience, you can achieve enlightenment and free yourself from the oceans of suffering of samsara. Also you can enlighten the other person. With bodhicitta, you can utilize the harm to achieve enlightenment and the happiness of every sentient being of the six realms. You can benefit them like that.

In Sydney, Australia, I heard about one family that bought a new car. The neighbor did not like the family and he made marks on the car once or twice. Then the mother of the family asked a Dharma student what to do about this. The student explained to the mother what he thought I, Lama Zopa, would do to the neighbors who were marking the car. He thought I would buy them a present, whatever the enemy would like.

The mother checked what the neighbor would like and it seemed he would like a ball very much, so she bought a few balls. In the beginning he did not accept the balls, but then he accepted them. He was very happy and he erased the marks he had made on the car.

Your friend who is angry toward you, that means she is most kind to you, if you use the opportunity to practice patience or compassion toward her. Then you will be able to achieve enlightenment quickly; you will be able to liberate mother sentient beings from the oceans of suffering of samsara and bring them to full enlightenment. If someone is only nice to you, flattering you, giving you food and so forth, that just brings attachment and it becomes the cause of samsara and rebirth in the lower realms.

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