My most dear, most kind, most precious, wish-fulfilling one,
What came out best for you is to do Lama Tsongkhapa Guru Yoga and migtsema mantra.
One question I have to ask you: does it get better by going to the beach or distracting the mind, relaxing? Does your mind become better if you do that?
If you do mainly thinking meditation, analytical meditation, and not so much preliminary practice, then this can happen.
What you can try is this, with the motivation of bodhicitta:
When the heart wind (lung) arises, think your heart is split into eight or sixteen pieces, like cutting a tomato into many pieces. Visualize pus and blood coming out. Think like that and see if it helps. This is one meditation that can help, and even if you have headaches or backache, you can think the same thing.
Another technique if it is phlegm, bile, wind disease; if bile disease is more, then you can do this meditation:
In the heart—not the bumping heart, the organ, but in the center of the chest, from where anger, attachment, patience comes, so at that place there—visualize a white AH, in the nature of light, clear, white beams, and keep your mind one-pointedly on that. Then at the end the AH totally disappears into the sky.
Try these two meditations and whichever one helps you more, do that more. These are particular suggestions. There may be other meditations, but at this time, try these.
You can also do migtsema mantra more, thinking you are purifying the negative karma collected from beginningless time, particularly having broken pratimoksha, bodhisattva and tantra vows and the most important thing, the heaviest negative karma collected with the guru. So think that negative karma collected from beginningless time is purified. Meditate on that.
Think Lama Tsongkhapa and his two disciples [are a] manifestation of one’s guru. That is the basic, most important meditation.
It’s very good you have become a nun.
Please tell me which methods help you more from these two meditations. The other one is migtsema, to help with lung but also in general.
Please continue to make your life meaningful. Practice Lama Chöpa, lamrim and the Thirty-five Buddhas in the morning and Vajrasattva and the King of Prayers in the evening.
Thank you very much.
With much love and prayers ...
